Babies
There's nothing like the smell of a new baby. Unless of course you have twins. Babies are the wonderful bi-product of an act between a man and a woman that can be sometimes wonderful, occasionally a bit yukky and usually very clumsy. It probably wouldn't be as clumsy if you had the light on but I don't think we want to go there! Babies are fantastic things around election time to bring out the caring, paternal/maternal side of politicians but best to avoid the cameras if one is acting like a squawking little poo-bag. (The baby that is, not the polly!)
Bald Knob
A Queensland town that illustrates descriptive, albeit slightly ribald, non-indigenous, locative nomenclature. Same goes for Yorkeys Knob - another Queensland one.
Barack Obama
I wish I could do good speeches like America's new President, Barack Obama. They are very good things speeches. Very good things to get a message across. I try hard at them but a lot of the words seem to get in the way of the other words. I mean, Gough captured the moment in a two-word speech - "It's time!". Barack Obama did the same with "Yes we can!" But what was wrong with my "Extreme capitalist free-market ideologues influence much of the neo-liberal economic elite"? Accurate. To the point. Succinct. All the hallmarks of a good speech. Oh well, keep trying I guess...
Barbecues
The Barbecue (aka BBQ or Barbie) is part of the Australian fabric and is steeped in tradition. The male of the house, who owns the BBQ, also operates the BBQ and is known as 'The Tongmaster'. This is his domain solely, unless he has to leave the BBQ momentarily to relieve himself - in which case he will designate a 'stand-in' Tongmaster (usually his best friend) to look after the snags (sausages). The BBQ is a place for ribald jokes and talk of sport, or so I have been told because inevitably I find myself in the kitchen with the women making the salads. Unfortunately I am yet to have been designated as a 'Tongmaster' - but I have been known to take charge of the salad tossing, which has been much appreciated by all guests - even the men have been known to admire my dexterity with tongs of the wooden variety, as on many occasions I have heard them remark, "What a tosser!"
Bananas
Bananas are an important food crop from my home state of Queensland. Two of Australia's most famous bananas wear pyjamas. B2 is my favourite.
Bangles, The
My children sometimes think I'm a bit of a ruddy-fuddy-duddy when it comes to popular music but in my defence, I am quite a fan of the all-girl pop group, The Bangles. My favourite song of theirs is "Walk Like An Egyptian", which was covered brilliantly on the 1988 Born To Rock album by Alvin and the Chipmunks. Now there's a dance track! ("All the cops in the doughnut shop went way-ho, way-ho...!!!"). Of course, if OJ Simpson had joined The Bangles they would have been Mr bOJangles! (Gosh, I amuse myself sometimes!)
Bangkok Hilton
This, of course, was one of our Nicole Kidman's early triumphs in the role of Katrina Stanton. The 'Bangkok Hilton' referred to in this mini-series is a prison for drug-runners and not to be confused with the Millennium Bangkok Hilton, which has magnificent views of the Chao Praya River from the Presidential Suite for VIPs like me and it serves excellent Cantonese cuisine from the Yuan Restaurant.
Banks
Sir Joseph Banks was, of course, Captain James Cook's botanist and the genus 'Banksia' is named after him. There are still shootings from his original plants in the Botanical Gardens and drive-by shootings are still common in the Sydney suburb named after him, Bankstown (see Bogans). Other Australian banks of note are the CBA, Westpac, ANZ and National, all of which enjoy the watchful governance of highly paid executives (see Bastards).
Barrier Reef
A wonderful World Heritage Listed attraction. Catch it while you can!
Bastards
In some countries this term applies to children born out of wedlock but, in Australia, it can be an affectionate greeting (as in "G'day you old bastard"). It can also be a term of good-natured humour ("You lucky bastard"), relate to complicated endeavour ("It's been a bastard of a day"), a form of witty simile ("as lonely as a bastard on Father's Day) or as the worst possible expletive in the Australian lexicon. (see Banks, Executives).
Batman (Explorer)
John Batman, of course, founded the spot where Melbourne exists today, in 1835. He noted in his diary, "This will be the place for a village". It is not known if he was the first to note that the Yarra River is the only river in Australia that flows upside down.
Batman (Forever)
Our Nic (Australia's Greatest Actress) played psychologist Dr Chase Meriden and, as the Damsel in Distress, stole the final scene!
Batman (Greatest)
Australia's greatest batman was, of course, Sir Donald Bradman.
Beaches
What a silly tear-jerker this movie was. It would have been far more successful if the CC Bloom role had been given to Our Nic instead of Bette Midler. Our Nic can hold a tune and I must say that would have put wings beneath my wind! Australia, of course, is home to all of the world's best beaches, with the entire country being girt by them in fact. At current rising sea levels, Toowoomba Beach should be extremely popular by 2080.
Bewitched
Our Nic (as Samantha AND Isabel Bigelow!!) saved this 2005 stinker from being a real stinker. Her nose-twitching made Elizabeth Montgomery look like she was dealing with a recalcitrant nose-hair. Go girl!!
Bikinis
A daring extension that took the one-piece bathing suit to a two-piece bathing suit, which from memory was displayed more than adequately by Nicole Kidman in the movie, Dead Calm.
Billy Bathgate
Our Nicole (AGA) was outstanding as Drew Preston in this 1991 movie.
Birth
Movie. 2004. She played Anna. Brilliantly. Birth also causes babies. (see Babies).
Birthday Girl
Is this brilliant actress prolific or what?! This 2001 movie has Our Nic in the role of Sophia (alias Nadia).
Blue Mountains
This wasn't a movie but if it had been I know who would have added something special! These mountains are west of Sydney and are so-called because the eucalypts emit a gas that gives a blue-ish haze (see Bishop, Bronwyn). They were first crossed in 1813 by explorers Blaxland, Lawson and Wentworth but the mountains have since forgiven them.
Bluebottles
These are nasty little buggers/bastards. They are little jellyfish that on the surface can look as pretty as a Kidman but have a tentacle that can be up to 10 metres long with lots of little barbs full of poison. (see Bishop, Bronwyn)
Blue-tongued Lizards
These are lovely little buggers/bastards. They are gentle, harmless, large skinks that laze about eating snails and other things in your garden. They are so-named because they are lizards that have a blue-tongue and their main natural predator is the lawn mower.
BMX Bandits
Ahhh... Judy, Judy, Judy... that was the name of the main character and it was Our Nicole's first movie aged 16. Such young artistry, such stunts, such frizzy red hair... I'm sure not at all savoured for the thespian genius displayed within by...
Bogans
These are very ordinary little buggers/bastards. In England they are known as 'chavs', in Ireland, 'scangers' and in the USA as 'white trash'. Being relatively uncultured with limited education and sparse fashion sense they are likely to be Labor voters and are therefore a highly valued demographic in any constituency.
Brisbane
The capital city of Queensland and home to the Bogan Moth, as opposed to the Bogan Myth. The Bogan Myth can easily be identified by its habitat of long-neck beer bottles, brown paper bags and packets of Winnie Reds. The Bogan Myth is also known for its lack of personal hygiene and wearing of mullets, flannelette shirts and King Gee stubbies. This peculiar species undoubtedly knows all the words to Khe Sanh and is likely to be a Labor voter and is therefore a highly valued demographic in any constituency.
Bronwyn Bishop
A Liberal Party Member of Parliament (Mackellar) who, in the early 1990s, saw herself as the next leader of the Party and future Prime Minister. Unfortunately for Ms Bishop, her Party didn't agree with her self-assessment and I am personally thankful that they didn't throw their weight behind her. If they had done that, Kim Beazley would have become Prime Minister and I'd be sitting on a bench at the back. Gotta love Lady Luck!
Bugger
I am buggered if I know why this is such a much-loved Australian word. It is, however, a very versatile and useful word and is not normally considered offensive (e.g. when Prime Minister Bob Hawke, during an election campaign, dismissed a pensioner as "a silly old bugger"). The word can also be used in conjunction with 'up', 'off' and 'all'. Americans are sometimes perplexed by the way Australians use this word because in the USA, 'buggery' is another term for 'sodomy' - hence the controversy over the 1956 kiddie's flick, 'Smiley', when angelic, blond-haired child actor Colin Peterson was vilified for describing something as 'hurting like buggery'. Poor little bastard.
Bush Christmas (poem)
Penned in 1931 by CJ Dennis, this poem refers to the stupidity of indulging in a hot stuffed turkey and plum pudding on a sweltering December day and obviously has never been read by many because even today we insist on the same tradition, resulting in someone commenting, "By gum, that was a slap-up feed".
Bush Christmas (movie)
First made in 1947 it took another 36 years to get it right when Our Nic played the lead role of Helen. Brilliantly. Of course.
Bushfires
Nature's way of telling Australians that it is time for last minute Christmas shopping.
Bush Toilets
These are very important things in outback Australia. If you have to go, you have to go! And, if you have to go, it is important not to make a bush toilet near a stream you may want to swim in or drink from... it is also important that you look out for snakes, spiders, centipedes and other creepy crawlies... it is also important to remind myself never to be in a situation where I need to make a bush toilet. This is not to be confused with a Bush toilet, which is another term for Iraq.
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B
Babies
Bald Knob
Barack Obama
Barbecues
Bananas
Bangles, The
Bangkok Hilton
Banks
Barrier Reef
Bastards
Batman (Explorer)
Batman (Forever)
Batman (Greatest)
Beaches
Bewitched
Bikinis
Billy Bathgate
Birth
Birthday Girl
Blue Mountains
Bluebottles
Blue-tongued Lizards
BMX Bandits
Bogans
Brisbane
Bronwyn Bishop
Bugger
Bush Christmas (poem)
Bush Christmas (movie)
Bushfires
Bush Toilets
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