G20
As many of you would know I copped a bit of flak before the 2008 G-20 Summit when I put poor old George Bush on speaker phone so all my guests could hear what an idiot he is and he lived up to his reputation by asking me what the G-20 was. What wasn't reported was the confused silence on the other end of the line when I told him that, according to my map of Australia, G-20 was 'Deniliquin'. Gosh I'm a wag sometimes!
G'day
This is the GREAT Australian greeting and I'm almost getting the hang of it. It's the glottal stop thing that I have trouble with - still sounds a bit more "Gooday" than "G'day" but according to my personal trainer (vocal) I should be able to nail the John Williamson version before the next election.
Gambling
As we all know, gambling is the root of all evil but Australians do seem to enjoy evilly rooting about with the horses, the dogs, the trots, the pokies, scratchies and two flies up a wall. Or down. People squirt an inordinate amount of their hard earned cash up the wall and, as immoral as it may be, taxes on gambling add up to a motza so I'm afraid the punters will continue to be evilly rooted.
Garrett, Peter
(SIGH) I'm afraid I have mixed feelings about my Minister for the Environment. He might be four years my senior but because he is such a cool dude, being an ex-rock star and all, he makes me look younger and hipper when we are seen 'hanging out' together. So I guess having a dud in the policy areas is a small price to pay. To try and explain what I mean - you know when you listen to Midnight Oil on the radio and you appreciate classic tracks like the Power & the Passion, Beds Are Burning and Blue Sky Mine and then you see the band performing live with Peter dancing... well, it's the same with the policy thing.
Gay
This is something I have a bit of trouble understanding. Don't get me wrong because some of my best friends are gay, it's just that I don't know why. I mean, it just seems so... so complicated. According to gay statisticians, ten percent of the population could be gay, which makes me think two things a) this is a large minority that should not be ignored politically and b) with 150 seats in the Lower House and 40 seats in Upper House, take out Bob Brown and Penny Wong and who are the other 17 shirt-lifters? Oh. I just realised that 'Gay' is just 'G'day' without the 'd', so if I practise saying 'gay' and throw in a glottal stop 'd', that might do the trick.
Gee Whiz!
This is a term I often employ to express surprise, admiration or joy. It is a far more polite and acceptable expression than that by which it gained its euphemistic derivation, i.e. 'Jesus!'. (see God)
Gillard, Julia
What can I say about my extremely capable, attractive (and somewhat ambitious) deputy?! Julia is, of course, the first woman to hold the esteemed office of Deputy Prime Minister but, unfortunately for her, opinion polling has shown that the electorate at large is not quite ready to have a female Prime Minister. However, we will continue to monitor polling on this and as soon as we feel that gender is no longer a barrier in the quest for holding the Highest Office in the country, you will see her moved to the back benches post haste and it will be full steam ahead with the 'Rudd & Swannie' Team. But full marks to Julia for trying!
God
God has played an important part in my life and He is often on my mind. In fact, the complexities of religion can weigh heavily in those two hours I allocate between retiring and rising. Some say I don't get enough sleep and that sleep deprivation can cause illogical thinking. Here's the note I jotted down on waking this morning...
"God created the universe. God moves in mysterious ways. Stephen Hawking knows more than anybody about the universe. Stephen Hawking moves in mysterious ways. Therefore Stephen Hawking could be the Second Coming of Jesus."
I don't see anything illogical in that.
And sometimes the Bible can pose more questions than provide answers. For example, Genesis 1:27 says "And God created man in his own image." So does that mean God is in a wheelchair?... "And God created man in his own image." But there's no mention of creating woman. Does that mean there is a Mrs God? After all, there is meant to be a Mrs Santa... Hmm. It really does make me wonder and think. "And God created man in his own image." It's a darn pity he had such a little todger. But enough deep thinking for now as it can lead to little brain-aches.
Gold Coast
This is a place that can also give politicians little brain-aches. The Gold Coast has great beaches, high-rise apartment development and theme parks and is, of course, Australia's most popular tourist destination, especially for families and 'Schoolies'. The latter means that for two weeks of the year the Gold Coast is also the drug capital of Australia. But the main cause of brain-aches is that many successful and influential business people and entrepreneurs choose to holiday there 12 months of the year. These people can be easily identified by their gold jewellery, white shoes, glowing suntans and personalised number plates. One such entrepreneur founded the enormous chain of ABC Learning Centres. You can probably see how those little brain-aches occur.
Golden Compass
Australia's greatest actress, Nicole Kidman, played Mrs Coulter in this 2007 fantasy/adventure movie (brilliantly!). Some have criticised the movie's theme as being anti-religion but the way I see it, if God didn't want the movie to go ahead He would have said so and I would imagine that God also enjoys Our Nic's work. Nic played opposite Daniel Craig in this movie, which by extension would make her a 'Bond Girl'.
Golf
This is an intriguing sport and one that I thought could bring out the latent 'sporty me' that I know resides somewhere. After all, I know how to walk and that is an important part of the game. I have little fashion sense and that is also an important part of the game. You also have a little person carry your bag of clubs so heavy lifting need not be a deterrent. With this in mind, I asked Greg Norman for a day of private lessons to see if I could get that other part of the game down - hitting the ball! By my reckoning it was a successful outing in that I top scored, beating Norman 236 to 72 because I got to hit the ball a lot more times than he did! I hope Barack Obama plays golf!
Gorton, Sir John
Sir John Grey Gorton GCMG AC CH was the 19th Prime Minister of Australia (Jan 1968 to March 1971). He was described by some political commentators as a "pisshead root-rat with a face like a twisted sandshoe", which historically makes him the Liberal Party equivalent to the Labor Party's Robert James Lee Hawke.
Government
Our government is based on the British Westminster system and is a democracy, which by definition is 'government of the people, for the people, by the people'. In essence, however, the 'by the people' bit only occurs one day every three years when there is an election - the rest of the time it is government of the people, for the people, by the Prime Minister, aka "me''. And let me tell you, some days that gives me a bit of a kooky feeling!
GST
This is a pernicious and unfair tax on Goods & Services, introduced by the previous Howard government. The Labor Party vigorously fought against the introduction of this tax at the time and will continue to fight for the right to retain it.
G-String
This is one of the important strings on a guitar and is also a scanty item of female underwear. I mention this in passing to again place on record that the Gentleman's Club I inadvertently attended in New York ('Scores') was not a sleazy, nudey strip dive. The lady caressing the pole was not naked and I did not, indeed could not have been an unwilling witness to her downstairs girly-bits because she was (modestly) attired in a G-String (see Flossing).
G-Spot
According to Cleo and Cosmopolitan magazines, a lot of Australian men have no idea where the G-Spot is located. I'll take a stab and say it is near Deniliquin.
Guy, Athol
If you pardon the pun, what a Guy! Not only was he a member of Australia's most versatile, popular and entertaining pop group, The Seekers (Athol on double bass)... Not only did he have his own television variety show (A Guy Called Athol)... And not only did he serve three terms as a politician in the Victorian parliament - he did it all wearing glasses! The autographed black and white photo I have takes pride of place on the wall of my study and if you read this, Athol, reciprocation only requires a request (Kevin@MrRudd.com.au). Mr Guy now has an interest in the Hanging Rock Winery, which I am sure is a delightful spot for a picnic. I don't normally give unsolicited endorsements but in Athol's case, it is a pleasure. For solicited endorsements, also email Kevin@MrRudd.com.au. And a tip for Channel 7 - "A Guy Called Sebastian" - would work a treat!
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G
G20
G'day
Gambling
Garrett, Peter
Gay
Gee Whiz!
Gillard, Julia
God
Gold Coast
Golden Compass
Golf
Gorton, Sir John
Government
GST
G-String
G-Spot
Guy, Athol
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