Hats
With global warming and the depletion of the Ozone Layer, hats are very important things but they can be difficult little critters when it comes to finding one to match your head. The hard and fast fact is, I look silly in a hat and even sillier in a cap and even sillier in one of those hard-hats they make you wear on construction sites while searching for photo opportunities during election campaigns. And all of them hide my lovely hair, which, on any other head would look darn sporty. (see Shampoo). John Howard also looked silly in a hat, but he looked 'sensible' silly and not 'ridiculous' silly as I do. Further examples: Paul Keating = 'jaunty'... Bob Hawke = 'dashing'... Malcolm Fraser = 'distinguished'... Sir John Kerr = 'inebriated' - all far better than looking silly! Yes, I'm a milliner's nightmare. I've tried them all - Akubras, trilbies, sombreros, panamas, deerstalkers and even a fez. All silly! The only hat that suits me is a boater and I have to tell you I am sick and tired of being beaten up at bus stops by state school bullies! So, there's only one thing for it - stay indoors! And I mention that here because that is one decision I have arrived at without consultation with a committee whatsoever. It was Therese's suggestion.
Hawke, Robert
Robert James Lee Hawke was the 23rd Prime Minister of Australia and the longest serving Labor Prime Minister. He was also affectionately known as 'Bob', 'Hawkie' and '@^%$face' (that was one of Keating's). Bob first gained popularity with the Australian electorate by entering the Guinness Book of Records for downing 1.7 litres of beer in 11 seconds. I can do a small glass of Semillon-sauvignon-blanc in about six minutes, if forced, but I don't think there is a Guinness category for that. Hawkie was also admired for going on the wagon for the term of his Prime Ministership, which I would be more than happy to do for Brownie points, even though I would miss that weekly glass of white.
Health
You can't have too much health I always say and it is one of the most important portfolios in any government. Unfortunately, under the current selection criteria for Ministerial positions, Nicola Roxon was 'meenie'. (see Eeny, Meenie, Minie, Mo)
Hills Hoist
This great Australian icon was invented by Lance Hill in 1945. Using a crown and pinion mechanism to support a heavy load of washing and a system to adjust the height of the rotary clothesline it is a feature of (and boon to) many suburban backyards. To compare the ingenuity of Lance's generation with the current one, the Hills Hoist is now often used at Gen Y parties in a game called 'Goon of Fortune'. The rules are simple and the results predictable. The game entails the pegging of a 'goon' (wine cask bladder) to the clothesline and partygoers kneel under the hoist, singing the theme from 'Wheel of Fortune' whilst the hoist is spun. When the spinning stops, whoever is positioned under the cask must drink a copious amount of wine from the 'goon'. While this may sound terribly irresponsible and in defiance of the recommendation to drink in moderation, those legally old enough to drink are legally old enough to vote. Onya dudes, cool!
Holt, Harold
Harold Holt was the 17th Prime Minister of Australia (1966 - 1967). Despite his distinguished 32 years in parliament he is pretty much remembered for two things, "All The Way With LBJ" with the Vietnam War, and disappearing into the surf off Cheviot Beach, never to be found. It is fitting that there is a Harold Holt Memorial Swimming Centre in Glen Iris Victoria and probably also fitting that there is no such ironical legacy for another Liberal leader, the late Billy Mackie Snedden, who also went missing in action in a boudoir at the Rushcutters Bay Travelodge. There is also an expression "Do a Harold Holt" (rhyming slang for "Do a bolt") meaning to disappear suddenly with no explanation. A yet-to-be-named-lady at the Travelodge that night did a 'Harold Holt'. (Email me!)
Hours, The
There was conjecture that Prime Minister Harold Holt may have committed suicide and there was also similar conjecture about Virginia Woolf's demise by drowning. This conjecture carries more weight, so to speak, because Ms Woolf filled her overcoat pockets with stones and walked into a river. Our Greatest Ever Actress Nicole Kidman plays Virginia Wolf in this 2002 movie and while this is on my 'must see' DVD list, I'm sure she walks into the river brilliantly.
(For those who may be drawn to consider aquatic self-harm, call Lifeline 13 11 14)
Howard, John
John Howard was the 25th and second-longest serving Prime Minister of Australia, which makes me the 26th. It is an elite little club isn't it?! In the 2008 ABC documentary, The Howard Years his contemporaries and colleagues were asked to sum up the former PM in one word. Now, given that we are all complex individuals with inherent strengths, weaknesses, fears, foibles, passions and other things, this is a very hard question to answer. Some of the words offered to describe Mr Howard were "tenacious", "determined", "strong", "reliable", "magnificent" and "resilient". If you are ever posed such a question, my advice would be to simply give the first word that springs to mind as it will inevitably be not far from the truth. The word that sprang into my mind was "poo-head". Or is that two words?
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Hats
Hawke, Robert
Health
Hills Hoist
Holt, Harold
Hours, The
Howard, John
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