Parliament
Parliament is the pointy end of everything that happens in this country and arguably the most succinct description of how it works can be found in The Samuel Pepys Show, which was penned by two of my favourite writers, Doug Edwards and Ian Heydon.
Our parliament is based on the British Westminster system and it’s all very simple, it has to be otherwise the Poms couldn’t have invented it. This is how it works.
- Any politician who wants to sit in parliament has to run by standing.
- He can stand to run and sit in either the upper or the lower house but he can’t stand and run to sit in both, that would be silly.
- But if he stands and runs and gets beaten he has to step down and stand and run again and keep standing and running until he wins - then he can sit, if he can stand it.
- Now after having sat for a while he can rise but he doesn’t have to stand and run again because the sitting member doesn’t have to stand and run to sit and rise for about three years. Unless he falls over.
- Now all this is not as easy as it sounds because while the politician is doing all this standing, running, sitting and rising, he has to lie until he’s blue in the face.
Parliament House
This is the 'engine room' of the nation, which can be conveniently run by remote from anywhere on the planet.
Parson's Nose
This is the little fatty bum bit on a cooked chook. Depending on your own particular faith it is also known as the Pope's Nose. I have no way of substantiating a theory I have but suffice to say I don't buy chicken nuggets.
Paterson's Curse
This is a purple flowering weed with poison strong enough to kill horses. It was introduced into Australia from Europe by Jane Paterson who wanted to beautify her garden near Albury. Within minutes of planting it had spread to infest miles of previously productive pastures. Incidents of unwanted imported pests taking hold are many. (see Rabbits, Cane Toads, Internet Pornography) Paterson's Curse is sometimes passed off as a flower under the names Salvation Jane and Riverina Bluebell. It's interesting how something lethal can appear innocuous and even attractive when given a pretty name. (see Work Choices)
Peacemaker, The
The first movie produced by Dreamworks (1997) Nicole Kidman: Brilliant. George Clooney: Lucky. Movie: So-so.
Peach Melba
This lovely dessert of poached peaches and ice cream is named after our very own Dame Nellie Melba (1861 - 1931) who graced the world's stages with the finest operatic voice of her era. She is not only honoured with a dessert, but also a type of toast, a sauce and a suburb of Canberra. And she was the first Australian to appear on the cover of Time Magazine (1927), which brings me to an interesting point worth noting. Yours Truly made the list of Time's 100 Most Influential People in 2008 along with the likes of Barack Obama, the Dalai Lama, Oprah Winfrey, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Who would have thought?
Peanuts
Charles M. Schultz's cartoon strip Peanuts produced many memorable characters and while most people found their favourite in Charlie Brown, Lucy or Snoopy the dog, for some reason I found myself drawn, if you'll pardon the pun, to Linus Van Pelt. I don't think it was because we shared the same shaped head or that Linus also looked silly in a hat. Perhaps it was because Linus was the intellectual one who had interests in philosophy and theology with a sound knowledge of the Gospels. As I did. Perhaps it was because Linus was the one who occasionally wore glasses. As I did. Perhaps it was because Linus had a security blanket and sucked his thumb. As I did. Or perhaps it was because Linus was the only one who had strong enough faith to believe in The Great Pumpkin. As I do. It's funny how art can imitate life.
Penny
A bronze/copper coin once part of our currency and the first name of my Minister for Climate Change and Water. A pretty Penny by all means but Penny-wise or Penny-dreadful? I guess we'll see if the Penny drops.
Police
A recent survey showed that the majority of Australians had little regard or respect for the Police. And, hands up, I'm in the majority with this one! What calibre of musicians must it take to make a song called 'De Do Do Do De Da Da' (not to mention the ones they wrote about the lady of the night or the young girl fancier!). So here's my 'message in a bottle' - there's no place in my CD stacker for you and your type Mr So-Called Sting! (For constabulary, see Wallopers)
Population
At the time of writing, Australia's population was 21,550,000 people, which is not many really (compared to somewhere like China!). As an example of how not many people, if every man, woman and child in Australia chipped in a dollar, it still wouldn't cover the annual salary and bonuses for someone like Telstra Boss Sol Trulio. Bastard. In case you are wondering, a new Australian baby is born every minute and 51 seconds and one person dies every three minutes and 48 seconds (not the same person).
Portrait of a Lady, The
American accent time again for our brilliant Ms Kidman as she portrays an American heiress who travels to Europe, where she rebuffs the advances of one Caspar Goodwood. Brilliantly. No one has mastered the art of tactful rebuff better than Our Nic!
Potger, Keith
Gordon Sumner he ain't! Keith was a founding member of fabulous Australian band, The Seekers where he played 12-string guitar and banjo as well as sang. He was the one without the glasses.
Practical Magic
This 1998 movie was the first of two films with ONK (Our Nicole Kidman) playing a witch. Brilliantly
Putin, Vladimir
My Russian counterpart (i.e. Prime Minister and Most Powerful Man in the Country). Putin speaks fluent German, while I speak fluent Mandarin but that's pretty much where the similarities stop. He likes to take his shirt off at the drop of a hat and his hat off at the drop of a shirt. Alfonso Signorini, a gay Italian TV host, described Putin as "an erotic dream" and the sexiest man "in this world" but neglected to even mention your humble scribe. No matter. He can shoot as many furry bears and make as many judo DVDs as he likes because I bet he wasn't Vice-Captain of Chess at his school! Apparently 'putin' means 'swan' (the black floating bird, not Wayne) but in Russian his name is Влади́мир Пу́тин, a name he has lent to a brand of vodka, a brand of caviar, a brand of canned food (cabbage and mushrooms) and a range of t-shirts. As a precedent has been set, any inquiries for personal endorsement can be made here: Kevin@MrRudd.com.au.
Put In, The Boot
This is an Australian term meaning to attack savagely and to take unfair advantage, something I have resisted in every aspect of my life to date. But, to be candid, I enjoy being a Prime Minister, so watch this space.
Pyx
A 'pyx' is a box in which the Eucharist is kept or carried. Just thought I'd mention it because it's a handy darn thing to know when playing Scrabble.
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Parliament
Parliament House
Parson's Nose
Paterson's Curse
Peacemaker, The
Peach Melba
Peanuts
Penny
Police
Population
Portrait of a Lady, The
Potger, Keith
Practical Magic
Putin, Vladimir
Put In, The Boot
Pyx
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