'X' Marks the Spot
Look, this is a personal 'hate' of mine - A to Z directories where the 'X' is almost redundant - where the authors inevitably invent words to sit within the category, or make things up or simply pad out the copy to make it look like there was something worthwhile and substantial going on. Well, not this little black duck!
You see, the obvious thing would be to bastardise the word Christmas to be 'Xmas' but I won't resort to that. Another 'cheat' would be 'xylophone' but what's the big deal there - it's a musical instrument - live with it. I could mention myself as being a 'xenophile', someone who loves travel, foreign people, customs and culture - but it's already well documented that I am an ardent international traveller. And, on the other hand, I could mention 'xenophobes' - people who fear or hate foreign people or anything foreign but it is already well-documented how often rednecks travel. They don't. And it would be an unkind and gratuitous jest to mention the redneck spelling of 'beer' - XXXX.
What really irks me about X-words is that 'X-Ray' is bound to pop up and I'm afraid X-Rays make me faint. As do any surgical procedures. There, it's out in the open now. In fact, even typing 'surgical procedures' made me go all giddy, woozy and nauseous. And then, of course there are 'X-Rated´ movies, which I think would also make me faint because I have heard that some of the close ups can, indeed, also look like surgical procedures. Oh dear. Nearly went. Deep breath. Oh dear...
But, in conclusion, I will leave you with one 'X-word' that can be very handy in a game of Scrabble - that word is 'Xyster', which is a surgical instrument used for scraping bones. Oh dear...
EDITOR'S NOTE: What's with the bit of tomato skin on the bottom of the page? You threw up, didn't you?
AUTHOR'S NOTE: None of your business, your job as Editor is to edit, not editorialise.
EDITOR'S NOTE: I just expect a bit more respect.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm the Boss, you're Staff, get over it.
EDITOR'S NOTE: There are only two letters left, and piddly ones at that. For 24 letters I've given you 100% and I think I deserve better, that's all.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I think I deserve better! I'm the Boss, you're Staff. And from Staff I expect 110%!!
EDITOR'S NOTE: Ha! There's no such thing as 110%!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Ha back! There has been since I made Wayne Swan Treasurer. Have you seen how much money he's invented to give away?!
EDITOR'S NOTE: Hmm. Surgical procedure... Xyster - blood, gash, guts, pus, phlegm, bile, secretion, weeping, seeping, squelch.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Oh dear...
EDITOR'S NOTE: Ha back with bells on.
